Marriage as we know it today has its roots in slavery. This may come to you as a surprise, especially if you’re heavily influenced by all the brainwash in our current authoritarian societies around the world, that promote marriage as an ideal form of a relationship between a man and a woman. But if people truly realized where the concept of marriage comes from and what its real purpose is, I’m sure that they would be repulsed by it. Especially women are being brainwashed from very early childhood to not only accept the concept of marriage, but to even long for it and regard it as one of the most important goals in their lives for achieving happiness. This is the tragedy of the reality in which we live today, where people are being conditioned not only to accept, but to actually desire their own enslavement. It’s a reality where people willingly accept a way of life that works against them on almost all levels, and that allows a small elite to easily control and exploit them.
Marriage isn’t something that’s natural; it’s an artificial social construct. A very long time ago, there was complete equality between men and women in ancient cultures, and there was no concept of marriage. In fact there are cultures that still exist today where there’s no marriage, such as the Mosuo culture in the Chinese Himalaya. Imagine getting born and living in such a culture where there was no concept of marriage. In such a situation you would grow up and become an adult without having even the slightest notion about having to get married and tying yourself to a single partner for the rest of your life.
However in most societies around the world today, the idea of marriage is literally pumped into our heads by the environment that we grow up in. Especially women get brainwashed with the concept of marriage, which is often also associated with romance and the whole “happily ever after” fairy tale experience. Growing up with that, it becomes difficult for people to determine later whether the desire for marriage is really their own, or if it’s due to the brainwash. People will often mention wanting to get married out of their “own desire” and “free will,” not realizing that it’s the many years of programming that they received from their environment that’s responsible for what appears to be their “own desire.” In this way people are brainwashed into desiring an artificial way of living that will later frustrate their lives and work against them. When that eventually happens they get confused and don’t understand what went wrong; after all, they were living according to the rules approved and prescribed to them by society. And many fail to realize that things didn’t work out precisely because they lived according to the artificial social constructs forced upon them by society — social constructs that go against our true nature, and that are designed not in our best interests, but in the interests of a small elite that wants to rule over us.
You see, marriage was introduced to humankind thousands of years ago by the gods with the purpose of suppressing and repressing our sexuality. 1 It was one of the measures, in a total package of measures, that the gods enforced on humankind in order to frustrate and divide them so that they could be more easily controlled, manipulated and enslaved. 2 If we go back and take a look at the earliest written records that we currently have of human civilization — the ancient Mesopotamian texts — it becomes clear that marriage was very similar to slavery; marriage law looked a lot like property law. This is described in a lot of details in the Code of Hammurabi. You just have to consider the fact that the Akkadian words describing a husband (be-el as-sa-tim) mean “owner of a wife” to realize that, just like a slave, a wife was considered to be a man’s property. A woman had to address her husband with “master” or “lord” just like a slave addresses his master or a subject his king. And to this day there are still cultures where the words used to describe a husband literally mean “owner of a wife.” Consider that in the bible, when god decides to create a woman, he does so to create a “helper” for the man, later adding that “man shall rule over woman.” In the ten commandments, a wife is also listed among the properties of a man (a woman was considered first to be the property of her father, and after marriage her husband). In some verses in the bible the Hebrew words that describe a married woman, or a wife, literally mean “woman with a master.” 3
So a woman became the property of a man upon “marrying” him, and was sold by her father in a way comparable to slavery. The future owner of such a woman would have to pay her father the price he requested for his daughter and a contract was made detailing the terms of the transaction. 4 This is where the traditions we still have today in certain cultures around the world come from, where the parents of the bride are given money and presents in return for their daughter. These traditions are simply the remnants of the original sales transactions of antiquity, where the daughter was sold to her new owner or husband.
It’s important to realize that many of the social constructs that we have today, like the modern family, marriage, and relationships, etc., go back to ancient Mesopotamia. Many of the details have evolved over time, but essentially we’re still stuck with the system of control and enslavement that was enforced upon us by the gods thousands of years ago.
If you can understand the origin and purpose of marriage, and you realize that it was introduced not in the best interests of humans, but instead in the interests of gods who wanted to rule over us, it becomes very easy to understand why marriage frustrates relationships between men and women. As mentioned before, it’s an artificial social construct, one that encourages us to live against our true nature with all the negative consequences that come with that. A lot of pain and suffering can be avoided in society if people aren’t directed to live against their own true nature.
Just think about it; have you ever wondered how a couple that was so much in love with each other at first, can slowly grow to hate each other after getting married? Marriage has nothing to do with love; in fact, love is destroyed by marriage and there’s plenty of evidence for that everywhere in society. As we’ve seen above, in the very beginning marriage was all about the enslavement of women. Women were degraded to mere servants; slaves; property. Where is the love in that? And today this is still the case. Married couples still treat each other as their property, and consequently severely limit each other. If people truly knew what it means to love someone, they would let them be free individuals.
Instead, marriage encourages people to become dependent, and thus to give up their individuality, independence and freedom. And as I’ve explained before, people naturally want to be free, and any relationship that limits people’s freedoms will cause trouble. The desire for freedom is intrinsic to human nature; we are born free individuals. In a relationship where a person’s freedom is being limited, it’s only a matter of time before they start to (often subconsciously) rebel against it. Like psychoanalyst Karen Horney M.D. indicated in the past, people in exclusive relationships eventually start to develop a desire to escape, which results in secret hostility towards their partner. This secret hostility then leads to a secret hate, and this hate continues to develop until it starts to express itself more and more in the relationship. 5 If you truly love someone and want to continue to do so and enjoy their company for as long as possible, you should avoid relationships with them in the traditional sense at all costs — and this includes marriage.
Marriage also limits individual growth and self-actualization — one of our most basic needs as human beings. You can’t grow in a balanced way when you tie yourself to a single person for most of your life, simply because you limit the variety of experiences you can have. You’re also forced to make compromises that go against your true desires, and your individuality suffers. It might seem easy to make compromises in the beginning of a relationship, especially when the feeling of being in love is very strong, but as the relationship progresses eventually it gets more difficult and you’ll start to (subconsciously) rebel against any perceived limitations imposed on you.
Keep in mind that there can never be one person out there that can satisfy all of your needs and desires; there are no soul mates and perfect partners. Instead of limiting yourself to a single person who can satisfy only some of your needs, you’re supposed to go out and find others who can fill in the gaps. Remember that we’re naturally capable of loving more people at the same time and that humans are naturally polygamists. 6
And that’s for good reason, because variety is key to living an enjoyable and interesting life. From the moment we’re born, we’re filled with curiosity and want to explore the world and learn. Children want to touch and taste everything in their environment. They can desperately want and play with one toy for a week, but then get bored and look for a new one. Adults are grown up children. So even as adults we remain curious and continue to seek new experiences all the time. And it may be hard to accept for most people, but yes, we do get bored if we spend too much time with a single person. Even if this person is the kindest, sexiest, most wonderful person on the planet, it’s only a matter of time before you’ll get bored — especially if you’re stuck with them in an exclusive relationship and (have to) spend lots of time with them day in and day out. After a certain amount of time, you’ve basically experienced all there is to experience with a single person and it simply starts to get old and boring; eventually there’s nothing left to be curious about anymore.
Think of it another way; how would you like it if you had to eat bread with peanut butter every day for the rest of your life? You might enjoy it in the beginning, but sooner or later you would probably want to throw up just thinking about bread and peanut butter. It’s the same with music; for example, you might really like a new song in the beginning and play it all day long, but after a while it gets old and you stop listening to it and look for something new to listen to. This is why we have so much variety in nature. And we especially need this variety in our love life. Marriage prevents people from being able to have (sexual) variety in their lives, and eventually things get boring. 7 Research has shown that relationships between couples usually last between 3 to 4 years on average. After that time people start to get bored of each other and the relationship starts to deteriorate. And it can get really dangerous when couples get bored of each other, but for some (often economic) reasons are forced to stay together — especially when their sexual needs aren’t being gratified adequately. Quite often there’s a gradual buildup of hate which can ultimately lead to (extreme) violence. 8
Don’t be fooled by married couples who stay together for long periods of time and appear to be happy. Even way back in the nineteenth century, it was already clear to researchers that happy marriages are extremely rare exceptions to the rule. 9 From my own observations I’ve seen that in many cases married couples pretend to be happy to the outside world, but struggle with all kinds of problems in their marriage. They may even be having regular arguments, may be sleeping in separate beds, may be cheating on their partners, etc. But for social reasons they give everyone else the impression that all is well and that they are very happy together — right up to the moment when you suddenly hear that they’re getting a divorce. This often comes as a shock to their friends and acquaintances, since everything seemed to be going so well. But people then realize that it was all a big show, and find out that things weren’t going well for a long time already. Married couples who pretend that everything is going well are simply fooling everyone, especially the youth, who could otherwise learn from their true experiences, and could themselves avoid making the same mistakes by getting married. Not to mention the damage that is done to children inside such marriages. 10
Very often it’s also the case that married couples feel that they have little choice but to stay together after getting married even if they aren’t in love anymore and would want a divorce. There are many reasons for this, depending on the specific circumstances, but mostly it’s for social and economic reasons. Apart from the social stigma relating to divorce in certain societies, very often people stay in bad marriages because they wouldn’t be able to support themselves financially if they were to live alone. 9 And this is by design; remember, as I’ve discussed above, marriage encourages people to give up their individuality, independence and freedom. This weakens the individual and as a result they become easier to control and manipulate. Men love it when they can do whatever they want, while their wife has to accept everything because she has nowhere else to go. Authoritarian societies love it when people are dependent, weak individuals who can’t stand on their own feet, because then they can easily be manipulated by the state.
All things considered, you can only get married for the wrong reasons. If you’re getting married for no other clear reason than the fact that you’re influenced by society’s brainwash that has programmed you to want to tie yourself to a single partner for the rest of your life, then you’re doing it for the wrong reason. If you’re doing it because you claim to love someone, then you’re also doing it for the wrong reason, simply because true love has nothing to do with ownership of an individual. Ownership of another human being and limiting their freedom, in any way, is wrong. If you’re doing it for economic reasons, then you’re definitely doing it for the wrong reasons. A lot of women these days essentially behave like prostitutes, seeking out the best candidates for trading sex and intimacy with economic gain and stability, preferably through marriage. If you’re getting married for sexual gratification, then boy are you in for a surprise. As discussed in the footnotes below, sex gets extremely boring in marriage until it eventually just stops, 7 and you really do not want to get married to anyone before you’ve experienced them sexually. 11 If you’re getting married because you don’t want to be lonely or are afraid to grow old alone and need someone to take care of you, you’re also doing it for the wrong reasons. You can live alone, but not be lonely. You can connect with many different people from the opposite sex all the time, as much as you need, if you only disregard the stupid rules in society that attempt to limit you. And you really shouldn’t get married to someone just because you’re afraid to grow old alone and wonder who’ll take care of you; it’s not right to treat someone else as some kind of an insurance policy for your old age.
We are heading into a new age right now where the individuality and freedom of every single human being on this planet is going to be valued more and more. We’re in the process of finally breaking free from thousands of years of enslavement through artificial social constructs, that conflicted in every way with our true nature. Right now we can already see these social constructs starting to crumble to the ground, and this includes the institution of marriage. Divorce rates are at an all time high, and the younger generation are increasingly starting to avoid getting married in countries around the world. In the USA, for example, single Americans now make up the majority of the adult population since the government began tracking the data 38 years ago. In Holland and the UK people are less interested in getting married, while divorce rates in Holland and Brazil are at a record high. 12 These are trends that will only continue to pick up speed around the world, especially when the economic reasons for marriage disappear in the sharing economies and resource based economies of the near future. In those new societies everything will be based on sharing and peer to peer models — and that includes our love- and sexual relationships.