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A conversation with John about Women, Sex, NOFAP and Relationships

I’ve been communicating with a young man from Belgium for a few weeks, and I thought it would be beneficial for other people around the world to publish some of our email correspondence here on my blog. I’m doing this with permission from him, and I’ve changed his name to ‘John’ so that he can remain anonymous. Our correspondence has been translated from Dutch to English by me. You’ll find his words quoted below with my replies following after every quote.


Hello Karel, my name is John, I’m 24 years old and I’m from Belgium. I’ve been on your blog several times, but I wanted to send you a message. We think alike for a good 95-99%. I’m especially interested in the subject of sexuality and women. I first try to mentally represent the ideal image, before I try to carry it out. As far as I understand, women originally have a similar libido, possibly higher, than men. I completely agree with the statement that an orgasm is necessary for women. The Taoists also say, a woman should have an orgasm every day, and a man never. The latter actually implies not ejaculating.

I think the Taoists are wrong. Every organism (known on earth anyway) must have orgasms. So do men. There are all kinds of negative consequences if that doesn’t happen.

You also talked about orgasms on a much deeper level as opposed to the ‘normal’ one we know of. Are we talking about the things that are discussed in tantra?

It could be, but I’m not sure. The deeper orgasm can only be achieved by organisms where the biological sexual energy can flow freely. And unfortunately this is not the case with any human being on earth at the moment, since that energy is being limited from birth through sexual suppression and repression. Because of that, one develops physical and mental barriers and to get rid of them later is almost impossible. Dr. Wilhelm Reich discusses this in his books on sexuality; I recommend them all. In his books he also talks about therapy he gave his clients (patients) to get rid of those barriers. The effect on his patients was almost comparable to full body orgasm as he describes it in his books.

I know from experience how difficult it is to find an ideal woman, but also one who is sexually open. That’s why I often go to the Netherlands, because Belgians are even more closed. (Yes, it is really bad here haha).

Yes it is practically impossible to find a woman who hasn’t been sexually damaged. As I said before, no one escapes the damage done from childhood.

Resorting to porn is quite understandable, if you know what demands women make before getting into bed.

That’s right, it’s a pointless game to participate in.

What I do wonder is, do women want loving sex (more tantric) or rather rough?

Anyone who hasn’t been damaged because of sexual suppression and repression starting from an early age would want it lovingly. That which we see where both men and women want to be treated roughly during sex is because of deep underlying feelings of anger and hatred that arise because of having to suppress those sexual desires. There is an enormous internal pressure resulting from sexual suppression and repression that, when released, wants to come out in a violent way. Just think of a pressure cooker. This too has been discussed in detail by Dr. Wilhelm Reich in his books. Hence the desires/fantasies of women to want to be raped, tied up during sex, choked, you name it. Also see my post “A Conversation With Brittany About Love And Sex”.

The saying that the world is oversexed, but underfucked, is completely true. The suppression of sexuality has never brought good things. Look for example at [the city of] Antwerp, where the ducklings in the city park are simply being fucked to death by Moroccan youngsters who can’t control themselves. Perhaps also sheep and goats, because of their nickname… This is just the tip of the iceberg. Look at prisoners (gays), men who want to become women in order to have sex more easily [transgenders], pastors who can’t stay away from children, group rapes in India, porn, sex dolls, sex toys, sex robots, etc.

That’s right, I happened to mention some of these things in a recent post titled “Access to Porn does not mean Sexual Freedom”.

Basically, we should be grateful that there is such a thing as prostitution.

I wouldn’t say grateful, but I understand what you mean. I wouldn’t use the word grateful because we are being abused as slaves through prostitution. This world revolves around prostitution. All women are programmed starting from an early age to become prostitutes. I also explain this in the previously linked post.

In my opinion, sex should be treated similar to eating and drinking. It’s also a basic need. It would really solve a lot if everyone would understand this, and not think that sex is something elitist that needs to be earned.

Yeah, that’s what I say on my blog. Sexual needs should be satisfied exactly like how we must eat and drink every day. But if that were possible, we wouldn’t be able to be abused as slaves anymore.

So I would have liked to see your complete vision of what the ideal image would be in terms of relationships and sexuality. I am in favor of polyamory anyway. I’ve seen enough in my family to [make the mistake to] stay with the same woman all my life…

My complete vision is in fact already on my blog divided over several articles. But specifically about relationships, you could take a look at my post “Relationships of the Future”, where I describe what a ‘normal’ ‘relationship’ would look like if there were real freedom. I also have a post “What I look for in women” where I also discuss how I deal with women and relationships myself. You can read all the articles on my blog if you go to the categories Love, Relationships, Sexuality and Understanding Women via the menu at the top.

In the meantime I have been able to go through most of the articles. But I still have a few questions. The authentic women you are looking for, can you find them in Suriname, or where can you find them? Abroad? Are you actively looking for them, are they coming your way, or are they looking for you?

They are nowhere to be found. As I already mentioned, we are dealing with sexual suppression and repression all over the world starting from an early age. So you’re not going to be able to find women who don’t suffer from the consequences, and who don’t have physical and mental problems. Maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll come across one who has that to a lesser extent, but they’re rare.

I guess you don’t need to watch porn, masturbate, use toys, or visit escorts.

As I mentioned in one of my articles, I also have little choice but to keep masturbating and sometimes visiting escorts. If you want to be healthy, physically and mentally, you need at least one orgasm a day. I can’t really enjoy having sex with escorts myself, so most of the time I just stick to masturbation. You can’t compare masturbation with real sexual satisfaction; the quality of orgasms is not what you would get with real sex, and especially not compared to sex without mental barriers resulting from sexual suppression and repression, but it’s better than nothing.

About that of the Taoists, I meant that a man should not ejaculate except for procreation. How do you feel about not ejaculating so that you can maintain that sexual energy, maintain your erection, and experience multiple orgasms just like a woman?

I’ve seen the latter that you’re talking about in the so-called ‘NOFAP’ movement on the Internet. This is very dangerous. As I mentioned before, you need at least one orgasm a day; this was also pointed out by Dr. Wilhelm Reich based on his research. If you don’t get that, there are serious consequences for your physical and mental health. See the links for details.

We have sex not only for procreation but also for the discharge of the sexual energy that is constantly built up throughout the day. As Dr. Wilhelm Reich pointed out, the evidence for this is the fact that the sexual needs are present in children from birth (they are able to get orgasms etc.), but that reproduction only becomes possible later on from about 12 years of age. In his books he describes the build up of sexual energy as a physiological process similar to our breathing, in which the sexual energy is built up and has to be ‘exhaled’ over and over again. If that doesn’t happen (in a timely manner), then the pressure increases internally with all the negative consequences of that. You can compare this with the consequences of holding your breath or a full urinary bladder.

What do you think is the way to reprogram women? Can a Yoni massage (tantra) help with that? Hypnosis? Self-love? Nude beaches?

When it is done in an ethical way with respect for the person’s right to life, then each person is only allowed to reprogram themselves. They have to see for themselves that something is wrong and look for the solution. Otherwise it’s manipulation. Of course, they are also allowed to ask for help from others, who can then help with the reprogramming with permission. What we can do is provide these people with information, and tell them the truth, so that they are confronted with the fact that there are other options and possibilities that they may not have been aware of. Because if you are trapped in that programming, and nobody tells you that there are other possibilities, then it is going to be difficult to realize that you have been programmed in a certain way. So it is the moral responsibility of everyone who knows more to speak up so that others can potentially be helped with that information. But, they have to want it themselves.

I think that when the information about how we are sexually oppressed, and why that happens, becomes known and one starts to do more research about it for oneself, one will then realize certain things for oneself and in that way will eventually let go of the programming. Therapy (psychoanalysis, massages, etc.) and hypnosis are not sustainable solutions; their effect is only short-lived, temporarily bypassing those deeper mental barriers. Sustainable solutions can only be found through active commitment and hard work on the part of the person themselves to search for the truth, especially about who they really are (learning about their true selves and their deeper suppressed desires), so that all those suppressed desires come to the surface and they start to acknowledge that and accept themselves as they really are (as opposed to the version of themselves that was created as a result of the brainwash received starting from an early age).

Next Sunday I have a de-armouring session for myself in the Netherlands. (In Belgium this is forbidden of course).

Yes ‘armour’ was the term used by Dr. Wilhelm Reich for the internal mental and physical barriers created by sexual suppression and repression.

You also said that if we would consider sex to be normal comparable to eating and drinking, we wouldn’t be slaves anymore. So as I understand it, especially in these times, if everyone was sexually fulfilled, no one would believe that COVID nonsense in the news, and rather think for themselves?

If everyone would be free from the consequences of sexual suppression and repression we would have more rational people and they would certainly be more difficult to deceive with the nonsense about COVID-19. Sexual repression causes mental damage resulting in irrational people, and these people can be deceived more easily because their ability to think logically/rationally is damaged (more about this if you want to know how the mind works in my post “Convincing C Programmers To Switch To C++; A Look At Human Thinking Behavior”). As I explain in my “Understanding Women” articles series, this is one of the reasons for irrational behavior in women.

This therapy by Reich to obtain that full body orgasm, can you send me a link to it?

You can read the following books by Reich about it:

I don’t really agree about ejaculating as a man, from experience. I know what effects this has brought to me. For example, hair loss, bone pain, brainfog, weight loss and so on.

That’s odd; I think perhaps a combination of other factors play a role. For example, in my case I’ve been masturbating practically every day since I was about 2 years old. In my younger years I often masturbated several times a day. Now I’m 42 years old. So in fact I’ve had an average of 1 orgasm a day for 40 years. The issues you mention haven’t bothered me. On the contrary, I’ve noticed, from an early age on, that in certain areas (especially mental/creative) I have better skills than the average person. Maybe you should investigate if there are no other causes that make that you have to deal with these issues. Maybe it is also due to nutrition, for example.

I am more in favor of moving the energy to the rest of the body, so that there is no pressure on the kettle, otherwise you have to ejaculate yes. Then that sexual energy accumulates, and you have to keep it somewhere. The intention is that you grow energetically, not that you shoot away the accumulated energy.

I think that when you read those books by Wilhelm Reich you will understand better why it is not possible to transfer that sexual energy to the rest of the body. Compare it to sweeping dirt from one room to another in a house. At some point, all the dirt keeps piling up, and it has to leave the house. There is only one way to get rid of that sexual energy, and that is through a good orgasm. Just like how you can only breathe out through the lungs/nose, and urinate through the penis. It has to get out of the body otherwise it will continue to build up in your body and the pressure will continue to rise. Then you get that ‘armouring’ Reich was talking about, and that will cause blockages of energy flows in different parts of your body. Eventually it manifests itself physically as cancer. The mental effect manifests itself in your character and behavior (see “Character Analysis” by Reich).

You can compare this with the behavior of a person who has to urinate urgently, but can’t and keeps holding it in. You can imagine, for example, that such a person will behave restless and will quickly be irritated. You also notice the same behavior in people who are hungry. The pressure caused by the build-up of sexual energy will have the same kind of internal effect. Many also feel that sexual pressure from within, but are programmed from childhood to ignore it to the point that they don’t even know where the pressure comes from or what that feeling is anymore. Hence again the ‘strange’ irrational and irritable behavior of women who spontaneously create issues for no apparent reason, and which they are often unable to explain themselves. It’s all due to suppressing and repressing the strong sexual desires.

Perhaps things like ayahuasca and iboga can help to remove deep-seated programming, if the person so desires of course. Against one’s own will, it will not work.

Ayahuasca and marijuana and other drugs only temporarily set aside or break down those mental barriers that are built up from childhood so that the suppressed thoughts and desires from the subconscious mind have a chance to flow up through the openings in the mental barriers. But once the drugs have worn off, these openings in the mental barriers close again, and one goes back to business as usual. In order to remove these barriers permanently, people will have to work hard on removing them by themselves, and above all they will need to have the courage to do so. Many don’t have the courage to do it; it changes your world view, it causes conflicts with yourself and your environment, and it is often a very painful process.

I agree about ayahuasca. About ejaculating, maybe it is the intention during masturbation. I’ve hardly ever masturbated without porn, so maybe that’s the difference.

I often use porn but it’s not required for me.

I have a friend who says, just like you, he doesn’t experience side effects when he ejaculates or not. Maybe it’s just due to the beliefs. I’ve studied a lot because of Brahmacharya (celibacy) so maybe it’s because of that. Subconsciously I am convinced that this has been so detrimental to me. I am still recovering from those side effects. I forgot to mention amnesia.

It could also be because of your mindset indeed. But check nutrition as well. Pain in bones or joints may be due to vitamin D deficiency for example. Especially in cold regions where you don’t have a lot of sunlight you should make sure you get enough vitamin D through nutrition (normally your skin makes it through sunlight).

I think it’s wonderful that you’ve never been bothered by it, while you may have ejaculated more than me. Every day for 40 years. I only started when I was 19, so a good 5 years but not every day. Usually it was once a month to let pressure off the kettle. Now I often do a headstand (sirsasana in yoga) to send that energy to my brain, and that works fine, for recovery from those side effects. Then I don’t have wet dreams.

Yes once a month is way too little, especially at your age. Hopefully you’ll be able to do something about that. Especially read the books by Reich, from which you will learn a lot that will help.

How do you feel about anal sex with women? Because homosexuality is not natural.

A penis does not belong in the anus but in the vagina. It is as simple as that. The urge that men have to do that comes from the internal built-up anger and hatred because of sexual suppression and repression, whereby they develop the tendency to sodomize the woman. Similar to the rape fantasies that women develop due to sexual suppression and repression.

How do you feel about getting a prostate massage?

That can bring relief but is not a lasting solution. It only brings local relief. With a really good orgasm your whole body will participate all the way to your fingers and toes. The sexual energy exists in every cell of your body and you need to get a full-body discharge. You’re going to come across this in those books by Reich.

How do you deal with your (daily) ejaculations in women? Is it just ‘in’ or do they swallow, just on her body or in a case?

Unfortunately not very often with women. And it depends on who it is. Some swallow it, others spit it out afterwards.

How do you look at deepthroating, in the sense of liberating a woman’s voice?

I hear this for the first time. I have no idea.

Osho once said that if you have sex in a loving way (orgasm) and can extend it to 3 hours, the desire for sex is gone forever.

I doubt it because the sexual energy is constantly being replenished and needs to be discharged.

Maybe you should also learn to use lucid dreams. These are dreams in which you know you are dreaming, and can therefore exercise some control over that dream. Many people also use it to have sex with famous actresses. Everything feels lifelike. Often you get an orgasm with your physical body because of what you did in that dream. This could offer a solution to the social castration we experience. That is still natural.

I doubt that it actually discharges the sexual energy. You could dream that you’re eating, for example, but it doesn’t mean that your body is actually being fed.

Haven’t you ever thought about helping women with their sexual programming? I believe when you physically de-armour them, and then mentally re-educate them, that they experience things they never knew, and then realize what they were missing the whole time. And those women radiate this to other women… In short, you won’t be lacking sex then. This idea often comes to me, I don’t know yet what I’m going to do with it. My desire for sex is quite intense, probably normal for 24-year-olds.

By now I know a lot about this subject but don’t think I’m able to help a woman with deprogramming. Other than giving them the information maybe. It requires other skills which I don’t have and which I should learn first. Apart from that, it has to come from the women themselves and most of them are so heavily brainwashed that they don’t even dare admit that there is a problem, let alone work on it. About your strong desire to have sex, that’s completely normal.

Don’t want to get into the chakra teachings now, but root chakra is developed first, so maybe the root of the problem? After that it’s the sacred, element water, water must flow indeed. So both women and men need to be treated heavily on those 2 lower chakras. Physically root chakra is the anus (and prostate) and sacral vagina or penis.

The theory behind the chakras is a concept; they don’t really exist. It’s a concept to describe how a person, through continuous work on themselves, can rise in awareness to achieve enlightenment. People often take it literally as if there really is something like a chakra in your body, but that is not the case. It’s comparable to the 3rd eye, that is also a concept, we don’t really have a 3rd eye in our heads.

Regarding vitamin D, yes I suppose if you have ever been in the Netherlands, then you know the grey weather here. That causes chronic vitamin D deficiency here.

Yeah, I’m familiar with it so that’s why I mention it. Apart from that people often stay there in closed spaces. So maybe good to have it checked if you need it.

If a penis belongs in a vagina, it does not belong in a mouth. The other way around as well. I never liked oral sex, unless it is given to the man. But I can get rid of that idea perfectly. Personally, I never thought that a vagina looks tasty. Penis in it, no problem, but with the mouth would simply be disgusting. I respect the fact that there are people who love that, just like gays and transgender people. But still it all remains crazy and rancid.

Yes, I also came to that conclusion, except for the fact that the mouth is generally used to caress (kiss, lick etc.) and then on different parts of the body. So why not also the penis and clitoris for example? I don’t have a definite answer to this yet.

Actually, there are a lot of perversions in terms of sexuality (sodomy). Homosexuality, prostitution, pedophilia, necrophilia, incest, robot sex, transgenders, bestiality, oral + deepthroat + swallow, anal, BDSM, rape, gangbang, facial/cumshots, pee and poop sex, strangulation sex, dildos, porn, fisting, spanish, “russian”, rimming, strapon, sexting, squirting, fetish, double penetration, virtual reality, transvestites, exhibitionism, swaffle, etc. I don’t like things like condoms and all other contraceptives. Circumcision too.

Apart from oral and double penetration I do agree with you. Oral, as I pointed out, I haven’t made up my mind yet. Double penetration, this depends on personal preferences, I think. If a man wants sex with 2 women, or a woman with 2 or more men, I don’t see anything wrong with that. The one on one restriction is mainly due to rules of sexual suppression and repression so that everyone is limited as much as possible (artificial scarcity).

Would like to briefly talk about Nikola Tesla, who turned 86 and still remained a virgin. Asexual.

That’s what they say; also about Isaac Newton. Problem is, you can hardly be sure. Tesla for example got a lot of attention from women, even married women fell for him. And in the period in which they lived, sex and everything around it (such as masturbation etc.) was even more taboo than it is now. So they wouldn’t talk about it that easily either.

It has everything to do with cultural brainwashing. From the very first year you have to sit still and be silent all day long. Ask permission if something is allowed. Sitting makes you passive, then you obey something. Boys are not allowed to show fear or sorrow. Anger is allowed, but in moderation. For example in my case now, I still have anger, actually it’s rage, sitting inside me that I can’t express directly, because then I would kill someone, or at least torture them heavily.

Yes and especially sexual suppression and repression create that feeling of anger internally that most people walk around with, and that they can suddenly unleash on others at any time.

Above all, I am thinking of a way to finally find peace and quiet to reprogram myself. I still live with my parents, have also lived in the Netherlands with other volunteers for a while, but the real problem is the social castration as you say. Not just about sexuality, but everything in general. Similar people should really unite and finally start working together, not ego this ego that.

As you said before, hypnosis is temporary, yes, I agree, but if you repeat it long enough, the subconscious will accept it. I’ve already undergone extreme healing techniques to get rid of blockages, and plan to do more of this, but I’ve discovered that in lucid dreams, you can do whatever you want.

Yes, but even if the subconscious accepts it that way, it’s not real. You can put thoughts in someone’s head, but if they didn’t come up with it themselves, there is no structure to support and explain those thoughts. In fact, you have not understood it. And it is about the deeper understanding, the really knowing how, what, why, and that will show itself in your actions/behavior. This is something that someone has to develop and build up for themselves.

Maybe you should delve into Sex Magick? That’s ‘edging’, so masturbating to the point that you’re about to come, but then delay, postpone and postpone, and after a good hour you let yourself come, but with the right intention. You have then generated a lot of energy, and then that intention can manifest itself. Preferably this would happen with a full body orgasm, as it is much stronger and lasts longer.

This is harmful, you will also find this in the books by Reich.

To experience a full body orgasm, all blockages must first be cleared. Then the energy can flow freely again. Is the same as Kundalini.

Yes indeed for the best orgasms there should be no blockages.

In principle, all women should become “cock worshippers” again.

Those would be normal women yes, free from the sexual repression brainwash.

Maybe very crudely said, but that’s how it is. We have something they need. They have a hole that needs to be filled. They decide if it comes in, or it stays out. They need us. Now we men think we need them. And they benefit from that. Then they say, okay, you get access to my pussy, provided you do everything for me and so on. And most men fall for that, of course. Women have become control freaks. Only by denying their own nature, they don’t allow access. Essentially, all women are sluts by nature, to say it bluntly.

The latter is true. It’s the sexual suppression and repression brainwash that they receive from childhood that turns them into prostitutes (holding back sex and exchanging it for money and other favors). Both men and women need each other when it comes to sex anyway. It would help a lot if most men had more self-respect and didn’t let themselves be manipulated by the system to join in as slaves in the pre-programmed games to get pussy. Furthermore, I wouldn’t put all the blame on women; many do indeed use the system to exploit men, but most of the blame lies with the system that is fundamentally designed to exploit men and use women against men through sexuality.

But you can, however, ‘manipulate’ it unconsciously. Meet women while your mindset is one of “I have something you need.” Then they will react differently. Not that every woman will bite right away, but a few. This does not fall under manipulation in my opinion. Rather, this is correcting nature. When you are sexually awakened, women will unconsciously feel that energy. Your aura will have changed. And then I do believe that when they feel that sexual energy, they will awaken themselves as well, as a kind of chain reaction. Let’s say, like a virus hehe.

Yes, that’s right, that’s my approach as I explain in my post “What I look for in women”. I waste little to no time and ask them right away if they are interested and want sex. Their reaction then determines the next step. I know what I want, what I can/will give and I make that known immediately. My time is precious, and of course theirs as well. But even more so mine. I love myself and respect myself, and it is up to me to make sure that I do not let myself be abused.

If you unconsciously wake women up again to their natural need, then you’ll see something. A friend of mine is doing this everywhere, and the women are literally jumping on him. I’ve seen this a couple of times in Germany.

Make sure there is no manipulation, no matter how little.

Last Sunday’s de-armouring massage (including prostate) was quite intense, but indeed only a temporary effect unfortunately. With regard to manipulation, it will always be there, if necessary on a subtle level, if a person doesn’t take 100% responsibility for his life. What you project on other people always affects the result, just like expectations.

Maybe you mean influence. But that is different from manipulation.

I don’t know if you’ve studied human rights and natural law a lot, but at least you’ve studied Statism. Human rights and natural law take precedence over Statism. So it is very important to start living from this philosophy. This is how it should be.

Yes I have a blog post about that titled “The Universal Right To Life”; you might also find the footnotes there interesting.

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