One of my English teachers in high school once made a remark saying “Once you start asking yourself why you exist, it’s a sign you’re going crazy.” At the time, even though I knew what she was talking about, I thought it was quite funny to hear such a remark from her. One of the reasons was that before she made that remark, she was just staring in front of her for a minute probably thinking about something. Another reason was that she was known to be absent-minded most of the time. So I couldn’t help but laugh when she suddenly made that remark.
But like I said, I knew what she was talking about because at that time, I had asked myself that question many times. Why do I exist? Where do I come from exactly? Where is this all leading to? Those are questions that most people probably ask themselves quite often. I did it starting at an early age. And the need for answers to those questions grows exponentially when you look around you and notice the crazy world we all live in. A world full of unexplained things, full of contradictions, full of deception, full of pain…. just absolutely crazy.
I often just lied down on my bed staring at the ceiling, everything out of focus, and thinking about those questions. And I always used to get the same feeling everytime. A feeling of hitting some kind of wall or barrier in my mind that wouldn’t allow me to reach an area that would allow me to get the answers to those questions. It was a feeling of hitting a wall and bouncing back from it. In addition it felt like after that, the series of thoughts that led to that wall would get scrambled and it would take a few seconds to recover and be able to align my thoughts again in the pattern that would lead to that wall, only to bounce back from it when I got there again.
And in search for answers to those questions, most people get really desperate and start to accept all kinds of wild and often deceptive theories, such as the various religions we have today. They just understandably can’t stand to be without answers to these very important questions. It makes them desperate and it makes them very vulnerable. One thing that I have learned in recent years of doing my personal research, is that it is much better to just admit that you don’t have the answers and continue searching, than to blindly accept theories from other people or groups. For most people, it is very tempting to accept religion based on blind faith because it provides answers instantly and makes life much easier. But the results of that, the easy way out, can be seen today around the world.
But I am still very much searching for answers to those questions myself. And while I have reason to believe that it is impossible for us to ever really find the answers to those questions, the amount of things I found out during the last year are just incredible. The world as we know it today is largely based on deception. Incredible amounts of deception going back even thousands of years. A lot of what I learned in school, for example, was just based on lies. The feeling you get when you start to realize what’s going on is like going crazy, but in reverse. You realize that you’ve really been crazy all your life, believing and accepting all kinds of nonsense as normal, and that now you’re realizing what’s been going on and are becoming a sane person, seeing things as they really are. It’s like growing up with everyone telling you the sky is red, and later finding out the sky is actually blue. Once you find out, you have no choice but to re-evaluate everything you know and view them in a totally new perspective. It’s almost like forgetting everything you know and starting from scratch again.
And so finally, I’d just like to take this opportunity to warn you that I will discuss increasingly more controversial and, by “normal” standards, insane, and maybe even disturbing things on my website in the future. So if you think you can’t handle it, or are too smart for the nonsense that is going to follow, you might want to start unsubscribing to my website after reading this (in case you haven’t done so already).