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Blind Desire

Why courtship and dating are a waste of time

With the exception of a few societies in European countries such as Iceland, there’s this notion in societies around the world that people have to go through an elaborate game of courtship before they can be together more intimately. As I have previously discussed in my article series on Understanding Women, this isn’t something that’s natural; it was enforced on humankind thousands of years ago as part of a set of measures that would promote sexual suppression and repression in society. 1

When it comes to courtship — and for the purposes of this post I’ll treat dating as a form of courtship — people generally expect men to pursue women. There are elaborate procedures established in society that men need to follow in order to impress and convince women to allow men to get closer and intimate with them. And women are being brainwashed from early childhood that they must make it especially difficult for a man to win them over; the more difficult they make it for men, the less “easy” or “slutty” they are perceived by society; the harder a man tries, the more “romantic” it is. But research has shown that this is all part of “traditional gender-stereotyped, and culturally bound, social scripts.” In other words, it’s based on stupid and made-up rules that exist in society and has absolutely nothing to do with the natural behavior of men and women. And as I mentioned previously, Iceland is a good example of a society where these stupid dating rules don’t exist and where it’s completely normal for women to pursue men, and for men and women to get intimate with each other on the first meeting. 2

Before I continue, let me first mention an important fact: The primary reason why a man would want to spend time with a woman is for sex and intimacy. This is why men and women can never be “just friends.” Like I mentioned before:

If we want to be brutally honest about it, relationships between men and women essentially all really boil down to satisfying our natural sexual desires. Nothing else. So ultimately, the primary reason why men would spend time with women is to get sexual satisfaction.

And this is true whether men want to admit it or not, and whether they consciously realize their true motivations or not. In addition, recent research, discussed in the fifth part of my Understanding Women series, has shown that men and normal women (i.e. women who aren’t influenced by society’s brainwash geared towards sexual suppression) don’t differ from each other when it comes to their sexuality and sex drive. Both want sex as often and as much as possible.

So under normal and natural conditions there’s absolutely no need for courtship. In such conditions, the “traditional gender-stereotyped, and culturally bound, social scripts” wouldn’t exist in society and there would be no sexual suppression and repression. Women wouldn’t be influenced by years of brainwash that taught them to suppress their sexual desires and to withhold parts of themselves during interactions with men. Both men and women would be completely free to express their sexuality with whomever, whenever and however they wanted. Just like men, women would know within a few minutes (if not seconds) if they sexually desired a man upon meeting him. And just like men, women wouldn’t hesitate to say exactly what they wanted, and to actively pursue their desires.

However, the way things are now in most societies is that women expect men to make a lot of effort in order to convince them and win them over. One of the problems with this is that men initially spend unnatural amounts of time, energy and often even money, in order to convince women to have sex with them. But once they’ve been accepted and have gotten what they wanted, women will start to notice a decline in the amount of time men spend on them. There’s no way any guy will be able to keep up the unnatural amounts of time he initially puts into winning a girl over. And what usually happens is that women interpret the decline in effort as a sign that their partner doesn’t “love” them anymore, or at least not as much as in the beginning. But in reality what happens is that the time the guy will spend with a girl just drops to more natural amounts, which allows him to also pursue other interests he may have in life.

If a man agrees to play the courting games that brainwashed women expect, then not only is this a tragic waste of time, but he’s only setting himself up for a lot of trouble in the future. He’ll have to continue to spend insane amounts of time and effort to keep the woman happy because any later decline will cause issues. And quite often, even if there’s no decline in the time and effort a man invests in a woman, eventually she gets used to it, takes it for granted, and will expect even more time and effort from the man to continue to feel desired. So it becomes a vicious circle; the bar continues to be raised higher by the woman, and eventually the man can’t keep up anymore and the relationship starts to deteriorate. Of course there’s also the danger that men are often led on by women, and taken advantage of. Courtship then becomes a game of abuse and exploitation of the man by the woman, during which she gets him to do things for her and spend money on her.

This is why when I meet a girl that I’m interested in, I always tell her, in no uncertain words, that I’m interested from the very beginning as soon as I get the opportunity to do so. Especially when I see that she wants to talk to me often and starts to use more of my time, I try to establish immediately what she wants and what I can expect from her. If she’s free from society’s brainwash, she’ll know immediately if she also desires me, and say so. She will also be unafraid to act upon her desires. If she’s not sure, I move on immediately. I explain to her that I can’t spend a lot of time with her, unless she’s willing to admit that she’s interested in me and can give herself completely. I then ask her to contact me again when she knows what she wants. There’s no point in hanging around trying to convince a brainwashed woman to open up to me, to admit that she likes me or to try and win her over through courtship. If you fall into this trap, you’ll spend the rest of your future with such a woman constantly having to convince her to be with you.

A woman should be able to make up her own mind without me having to influence her in any way. Only when she’s able to do that, can I be sure that she truly desires me and made a conscious, independent decision to spend time with me. I’m not going to massage her mind with words that I know she wants to hear. I’m not going to spend unnatural amounts of time on her just to prove to her how much I care. I’m not going to spend (lots of) money on her just to impress her and win her over. All of those things essentially amount to manipulation, even if they are sincere efforts (and very often and with most men they’re not). And if there’s one thing that I hate in life, it’s manipulation. Most men will not readily want to admit this, but employing all these tactics to win a woman over essentially boils down to mind manipulation. And women actually invite this manipulation into their lives when they stick to society’s brainwash; to them it’s exciting to play these courting games and to be chased by guys. But when they get hurt in the end, they’ll often blame it on the men, and fail to see how their own behavior caused a lot of the issues. Think about it; if you want guys to manipulate your mind to get into your panties, what else can you eventually expect but pain and trouble?

The fact of the matter is that normal women, who are free from society’s brainwash and sexual suppression, are capable of making up their own minds pretty quickly, just like men generally do. Men know within the first few minutes (if not seconds) if they desire a woman upon meeting her. This is the same for women, even though the social brainwash prevents them from admitting it and often even from consciously realizing it (she can even get physically aroused but will swear and truly believe she’s not interested — that’s how bad society’s brainwash can damage women). In fact, not only do normal women know immediately when they desire a man, but they will readily admit it and actively try to get what they want. So if you detect that a woman is unsure, doesn’t know what she wants, or needs a lot of convincing, she probably suffers from sexual repression, and the best and wisest thing to do is to move on immediately.

Apart from not wanting to manipulate women into having sex with me, I also value my time. Time is a very scarce resource in life. Once you’ve lost your time, you can never recover it. So you have to spend it wisely. Not wasting time on trying to convince women to have sex with me allows me to have more time for other things in life that are important to me, such as research and learning, my hobbies, activism, charity etc. A lot of people often wonder how it is that I seem to have so much knowledge and am good at doing so many different things. Well, here’s your answer: I don’t waste time on stupid courting games and chasing sex like most guys do. Instead I spend my time on more productive and important things in life. Getting sex and intimacy is very important to me too, but if I have to deal with sexually repressed women, the disadvantages far outweigh the benefits and my time and energy are better spent on other things.

And when it comes to our time and energy, keep in mind that these stupid rules exist in society to “consume our biological energy” as the brilliant psychoanalyst Dr. Wilhelm Reich concluded during his research many years ago. We human beings, like all organisms in the universe, need sex and intimacy, and by making it very difficult for us to satisfy those natural needs (because we have to waste a great amount of time and energy during courtship, let alone other issues), we become preoccupied with those efforts and have less time and energy to spend on other more important things in life — such as rebelling against the small elite who are behind all of this manipulation 1, or expanding our intellectual awareness and finding solutions to the great number of problems we’re facing in life. In everyday life you can see this going on everywhere in society. Men are wasting incredible amounts of time and energy pursuing women and trying to convince them to have sex with them. Hours upon hours are spent on pointless conversations, either in person or via social media and chat services. Even more time and money is wasted going out with women on numerous dates before sex becomes a possibility. And even when that eventually happens, much more time, energy and money is wasted trying to maintain the relationship in order to keep the sex coming. Indeed it’s a Never Ending Story of wasting time and energy. 3

All of this isn’t necessary. If a man and a woman desire each other, they should simply be able to immediately let each other know and get intimate whenever they want, without any kind of rules and requirements, and without strings attached. Instead of wasting weeks and months with dating and courting, that time can be better spent on personal development, and tackling important issues in life so that we can build a better future for all of humankind.

Important Update

I’ve recently posted an article where I explain what I personally look for in a partner. If you need help and ideas on a good approach (regardless of your sex), check it out!


  1. The primary reason why these measures promoting sexual suppression and repression in society were enforced on humankind was to make them easier to control and manipulate. Because we know ever since Dr. Freud that the sexual drives are the primary motivating forces of human life, it’s easy to understand that sexual suppression attacks the individual at the very core of his existence. It weakens the individual, prevents him from achieving true freedom and independence and opens him up to easy manipulation, as I have previously discussed. In this way entire groups of individuals — and as a consequence entire civilizations — can very easily be controlled, manipulated and enslaved by a small elite. ↩︎
  2. As mentioned at the beginning, there are a handful of societies today where the effects of sexual suppression are not as bad as they are in the rest of the world. Such is the case in Iceland, where, for example, women are allowed to express their sexuality more freely. This doesn’t mean that there’s no sexual suppression in Iceland; even in Iceland there’s still a lot of room for improvement. But as I discussed in the fourth part of my Understanding Women series, in Iceland there are no stupid and elaborate dating games, and people generally get intimate with one another whenever they feel like it — even on their first meeting after a night out. To them it’s no big deal. There’s no courting involved; just the establishment of a basic amount of trust and a confirmation of mutual desire. ↩︎
  3. In the third part of my article series on Understanding Women, I discuss the movie The Never Ending Story and show how the pointless process of courtship is one of the main themes in the movie. The hero, a young boy named Atreyu, has to go through a lot of trouble and overcome many obstacles for an Empress, before in the end he finally gets to have sex with her — after she admits to him that all the trouble he went through was completely unnecessary because “she knew all along.” He got sent on a wild goose chase, wasting his time and energy and making a lot of personal sacrifices, just to get some sex in the end. And after that, the process starts all over again, keeping him preoccupied and wasting his time and energy on pointless things while chasing sex, all while being controlled like a puppet and being enslaved by those behind the scenes. ↩︎

Additional Notes


  1. Karel Donk's Blog » Why getting married is a very bad idea (21/09/2014)
  2. Karel Donk's Blog » What strong men look for in a woman (17/12/2014)
  3. Karel Donk's Blog » What I look for in women (09/08/2015)
  4. Karel Donk's Blog » The Manipulated Man (14/03/2016)


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