A few days ago I had a short interaction in the comments section on one of my posts titled ‘Everything in Life is about Sex’ with a person named Brittany, who had a few questions relating to love and sex. I want to share the conversation with all of you below. Especially the concepts of male dominance and female submission that we see in interactions between men and women in most societies around the world were discussed. Should you have questions and comments of your own, feel free to add them below to continue this conversation.

Brittany asked:

I hope you will be able to see, and reply, to this comment.
I think that what Oscar Wilde wanted to say it what other thinkers have also thought about sex- that it is the act of male dominance, and female submission. That men take power from the woman (or man) that they are ****ing. That being ****ed is being powerless.
Could you, please, tell me what you think about it? Because, I am so confused. Because if sex were about power, that would make it degrading to women, would it not?

My reply:

To understand how exactly sex is about power and how it’s being used against both men and women, check out my post ‘Sexual Suppression and Repression I: Definition and Origin’. You’ll then understand where the male dominance and female submission comes from.

Brittany replied:

Wow, you write really well. It took me some time to process it all. It’s very concise, excellent.
I would ask a further question, after having read the recommended article:
If women were meant/designed to be inferior to men, men’s helpers, then even in the natural state, isn’t sex itself about power? Because the women was designed to be the submissive, dominated pole of the sex act.
And what you say about virginity being seen/sold as an ideal and something sacred… Can I assume you’ve read Tolstoy’s “Kreutzer sonata?” If you have, isn’t he then right in a way when he says that woman’s sexual submission to the man, in the sex act, is degrading to her as a human being?

My reply:

If women were meant/designed to be inferior to men, men’s helpers, then even in the natural state, isn’t sex itself about power?

Yeah if you look at it like that, then it is. The whole idea of sexuality came forth from a ‘divide and conquer’ strategy as I explained in the article I linked to. The word ‘sex’ comes from the Latin word ‘secāre’ which means ‘to cut off’ or to ‘intersect’. Remember how I described how woman was cut off from the man to function as his opposite. The idea was to create division and opposition, which weakened the human race so that they could easily be abused — in particular to use women against men in order to abuse men as slaves.

However, I think that this biological sex division alone is not enough unless it gets abused by, for example, social systems that are put in place promoting repression and suppression of sexual desires. Because without that, men and women would still easily be able to come together based on mutual respect and would be able to satisfy their sexual desires and it would not be easy to manipulate them. So the biological sexual division must go together with sexual repression in order for it to be truly about power.

Because the women was designed to be the submissive, dominated pole of the sex act.

Not of the sex act, but of the human species. And of course that also shows itself during the sex act (and everywhere else). However it’s important to understand that this ‘inferior design’ of women was not necessarily physical/biological. The inferiority was much more the result of the social structure (‘culture’) that humans were forced to live in (or else suffer the consequences (punishment)). So men were taught to treat women as property and rule over them, and women were taught to have to be submissive and to actually desire their own abuse.

isn’t he then right in a way when he says that woman’s sexual submission to the man, in the sex act, is degrading to her as a human being?

I haven’t read ‘Kreutzer Sonata’ but I agree wholeheartedly that woman’s sexual submission to the man is degrading. In fact, any kind of submission to the man by a woman, or vice versa, is degrading. It shows a lack of respect/love. But believe it or not, most men and women today are so sexually repressed and brainwashed by cultural conditioning that they actually want and desire to be abused in that way. They just don’t know better. Similar to how most people have been so brainwashed that they desire their own enslavement today and are afraid of freedom.

So even if a man wants to treat a woman with respect, she can’t appreciate that because she was programmed by ‘culture’ to desire abuse and to be excited or ‘turned on’ by it. This is why women prefer ‘bad guys’ or ‘jerks’ instead of ‘nice guys’.

Just look at how many women get turned on by movies like ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ or how many women walk around with rape fantasies. This is something Wilhelm Reich also described in his work.

Brittany replied:

I’m so sorry to take up your time, but I must ask one more thing, please.
In a loving relationship, where two people respect each other, and love each other…. Even if the man would not desire to submit the woman, and the woman would not desire to submit to a man, isn’t the act itself an act that creates a hierarchy?
For example, you yourself have probably had sexual intercourse in your life. And you certainly did not, as a man with your level of knowledge, want to willingly submit a woman and degrade her in any way. But even so, does a man not submit some woman, and her bodily integrity, to his power just by having sex with her?

By that I mean- even if people were not repressed and brainwashed, would the dynamic of the sexual act actually change? Because, I’m inclined to answer no. I still think that the act itself would create a hierarchy, even if people would not desire it on a rational level.

My reply:

It depends on what kind of relationship they have with each other. If it’s one of the traditional types of relationships being promoted in most societies, where a man must belong to a woman and a woman to a man, and where they have to be tied to each other exclusively, then you’ll find a hierarchy there. Those kinds of relationships demand submission.

However, if it’s a relationship based on true love in the universal sense, then sex is going to be a completely different experience. I wrote about what those kinds of relationships might look like in the future.

But even so, does a man not submit some woman, and her bodily integrity, to his power just by having sex with her?

A woman who is not under the influence of sexual repression/suppression brainwash will choose to have sex with a man for the right reasons and not those that have been taught to her by society. And when she is capable of doing that, there won’t be any submission on her part when having sex, simply because it’s something she chooses to do out of herself, having consciously made the decision which is not affected by outside influence and constraints.

By that I mean- even if people were not repressed and brainwashed, would the dynamic of the sexual act actually change?

There would be huge changes, especially in the way people experience sex and intimacy, and the fulfillment they would get out of it. Sex as we know it today from what we learn in society, is very perverted and it doesn’t lead to the fulfillment that people would otherwise get from it. Even the way in which 2 people are supposed to come together in intimacy is based on adversity. And this is the primary source of frustration that people have to deal with every day (not knowing where it comes from), and it’s what the elite tap into to manipulate people and abuse them like slaves. It’s difficult to explain what sex would feel like under the correct circumstances, and it’s very difficult to get to experience it because most people in society today suffer from sexual repression. You’d have to be lucky to find people who are largely free from sexual repression. But if you’re lucky, then you can at least get a glimpse of its potential and that will be enough to make you see.