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Roses are red

A sign of True Love

Have you ever wondered how you know if you truly love someone? I think I have the answer.

When you know that you would genuinely be happy about the fact that someone you love is happy or happier being with someone else, then you’ll know that you truly love that person. I’m not talking about trying to be happy for that person, or pretending to be happy and trying to live with the fact that you can’t be with that person. I’m talking about really feeling happy for that person, being able to listen to that person as he/she talks about their new boy/girlfriend, and sincerely being glad and happy about the fact that he/she is happy and having a good time.

This is the ultimate test of true love, because when you love someone, naturally you’re going to want to be with that person and be loved back by that person. You’re going to want it really bad. I don’t think that I have to explain how seriously strong this feeling can be; I’m sure you know. So if you can stand the fact that this person would prefer, and would in fact be happier, with someone else, then that is already an accomplishment. But if you can also truly feel happy for that person while you have to let him/her go with someone else, then, I think, that is more than enough proof of true love.

Ofcourse you will also feel sad and be in pain because of the fact that you can not be with that person, but when it’s true love, the feeling of being happy for that person will be far greater. So much greater that you would rather choose to have that person be with someone else instead of you, if it would make him/her happy or happier, or if you know that that would be better for that person.

A very good friend of mine tried to explain this to me a few years ago and she didn’t succeed. And this was a person who had a lot of influence on me. In fact, I’ve learned a lot from her and she’s really had a lot of influence in shaping me into the person I am today. At this point I’m not sure anymore if this is a compliment to her or an insult, but that’s a different subject. 😉 What I’m trying to say is that this is not an easy concept to accept or to believe. Even I could not believe it a few years ago. In fact, I just refused to even consider believing it or giving it a chance. It seemed so absurd. If you really love someone, you’ll want to be with that person, right?? How can you even stand seeing that person with someone else?? Let alone feel good about it! It’s just not possible!

Well, it is possible. Just don’t try to explain it to people who don’t want to believe it. Don’t even try to explain it to the person you love and are letting go. You could risk giving them the impression that you probably don’t love them very much. Not enough in any case. Because afterall, if you were seriously crazy about them, you wouldn’t be able to so easily, as it may seem, let them go. Let alone feel happy about it!

But the truth is the opposite. And as you probably already know, the truth is often more difficult to believe. True love is never only about your own needs. It’s never about a feeling of possession. It’s about liking someone so much that you would accept to lose if by doing that you can help that person to win. Even if it means losing the most precious and important thing to you at that time, namely that person him/herself.

There are two things, which are related to the current subject, that most women who know me (both of them*) can’t understand about me:

  1. I can’t be jealous. I don’t seem to notice or get angry when they try to make me jealous, leading them to think I’m not very interested in them or don’t love them that much.
  2. I can easily let go, also leading them to think I’m not very interested in them or don’t love them that much.

With the above explanation, it should be easy to understand why I can’t be jealous. It should also be easy to understand why I would easily let someone go if they wanted to be with someone else, or if they had other priorities (career, family etc.). It seems like most women would expect you to desperately fight to keep them with you, and if you don’t, they see it as a sign that you don’t care about them that much, or don’t love them that much. Some (most?) women even play games with you, just to see if you react the way they expect you to (become jealous). And if you don’t, they get really upset. If you do, it confirms you love them. I’ve actually experienced such a case at least once. After her little experiment, she noticed that I didn’t react the way she expected. And I noticed her acting strange to me and getting angry. And when I finally asked what was wrong, she was essentially like “You don’t love me! You don’t want me that bad! You don’t even get jealous!” And I’m like “Oooh, that’s what you were trying to do?” And from my perspective, it was quite hilarious.

It should also be easy to understand why I would allow my girlfriend or wife to go out on her own, even if she goes out to meet guys (friends, colleagues etc.). I understand that most guys would have issues with this.

I do however expect her to be very honest and faithful. And as is usually the case: with lots of freedom, comes lots of responsibility. And I can be equally as rigorous, as I can be flexible. Which basically means that there’s a 99.999% chance that if you damage my trust in you, it could be fatal. Fatal for the relationship, but not fatal for my love for you. Because otherwise, it would not have been true love.

(*) Just kidding 😉


  1. Karel Donk » Archive » Love as many people as you like (18/08/2007)
  2. Karel Donk's Blog » If you truly love someone, let them be free (14/01/2013)
  3. Karel Donk's Blog » Love and relationships don’t belong together (20/02/2013)
  4. Karel Donk's Blog » The Difference between Love and Lust (05/11/2014)
  5. Karel Donk's Blog » We should all be Part-Time Lovers (28/04/2018)


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